How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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