She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
