Please, let me fuck your mom
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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