tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Randomize
