Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
