Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Randomize
