What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
