I heard we made out
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
