Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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