Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
