Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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