I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize