He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
