what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
