remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
