I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Randomize
