Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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