I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
