So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
