Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
