what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
