i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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