Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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