Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
