If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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