After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
bring money and cleavage
you inspire me to be a worse person
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
