Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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