Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
