somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
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