At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize