is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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