I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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