i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I think I am morally bankrupt
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
