I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
