Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
