i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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