he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
