woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
My balls are so social today.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
