In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
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