Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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