I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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