um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
