Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
You need Xanax blowdarts
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
