remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
