i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
