Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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