my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
