It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
