I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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