whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
