And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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