walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
