I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Randomize
