2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
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