May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
