her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
