You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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