I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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