The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
