Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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