We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Randomize