im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
