im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
