I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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