i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Shame is for Republicans.
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