I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
