I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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