how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
