In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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