Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
