i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
