It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
