when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
