he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
