my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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