tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Randomize
