just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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