Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
