I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I need a burrito and a hug.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
You pole danced in your parka.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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