i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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