made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
How external is "for external use only"?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
