when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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