Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
