now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize