Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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