the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
