She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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