It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
