Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
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