Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
