i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
you are never too drunk for berry picking
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Randomize
