suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
