Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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