I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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