I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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