well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
