Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
