I hope mine doesn't look like that
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
You don't make any sense
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