i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
