Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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