You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I'm passing your future prison.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize