All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
