I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
