I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
