She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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