TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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