You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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