There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
