Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
