dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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