i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
