Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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