He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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