You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
a search helicopter?!
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
