I would go down on you faster than GM stock
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I'm at about main and main street
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
