just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
