god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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